Letters to Tommi is a personal journal about love, memory, and bereavement, created from a series of letters written by British author Ryan Tate to his late partner, Tuomas “Tommi.” The writing began during therapy, when Ryan was looking for a way to express thoughts, questions, and emotions connected to his loss. What started as a private writing practice gradually developed into a record of a relationship, its everyday experiences, and the memories he wanted to preserve.
Rather than presenting grief as a clearly ordered process, the book follows the movement of memory. Ryan explains that the letters were written according to what was most present in his mind at the time. The entries move between early memories, shared routines, future plans, and reflections on loss, creating a portrait shaped by recollection rather than a traditional timeline.
A Relationship That Began by Chance
Ryan and Tommi first encountered one another during a holiday. What began with Tommi asking Ryan for directions developed into a closer connection as the two spent more time together. Ryan remembers the early days through moments of humor, travel, and growing familiarity.
Their relationship developed through shared experiences, including time at home, music, cooking, disagreements, reconciliations, and the everyday routines that became part of their partnership.
The couple also discussed plans for the future, including where they might live and how they could build a life together while managing the challenges of living across national borders.
Remembering Tommi Through Everyday Details
Much of Letters to Tommi focuses on familiar details from their shared life. Ryan recalls handwritten notes, private expressions, household routines, and small habits that became part of their relationship.
The book also records Tommi’s humor and expressions, including the personal language the couple developed together. These memories present Tommi as a person with his own personality, habits, and character rather than only through the circumstances of his death.
Plans for a Life Together
The book also preserves the future Ryan and Tommi imagined together. Their discussions included questions about where they could live, family visits, careers, and eventually finding a place where they could build their lives.
Italy was one possibility they discussed. Although that plan was never realized, it remained part of the future they had considered together.
Their engagement represented another important moment in their relationship. Ryan recalls Tommi presenting him with a white-gold T-bar chain and asking him to spend their lives together. Ryan continues to wear the chain as a reminder of that moment.
The Day Everything Changed
Tommi’s death came suddenly. After swimming and completing his usual run, he returned home and said he felt tired and intended to rest before preparing dinner. Ryan later found him after he had suffered a cardiac arrest.
Ryan had known Tommi had a heart condition and was aware of previous medical procedures, but he later learned more about the seriousness of his condition through conversations with Tommi’s mother.
The book places this loss alongside memories of ordinary life, showing how everyday routines became connected with remembrance.
Writing, Memory and Family
The letters became a way for Ryan to continue expressing thoughts connected to Tommi after his death. Because they were written privately, they move between sadness, humor, memories, and observations about daily life.
The writing also connects Ryan with Tommi’s family. Ryan continues communicating with Tommi’s mother, and their shared memories have become part of an ongoing relationship shaped by affection and remembrance.
The book presents grief as a personal experience that continues alongside memory and connection.
From Loss to Continuing Love
As the letters continue, Ryan reflects on what it means to carry a connection with someone who has died. Rather than presenting grief as a process with a simple conclusion, the writing explores how memories and shared experiences continue to influence his life.
Traditions created during their relationship, including Nordic Christmas decorations prepared for their future together, remain meaningful reminders of the life they shared.
A Record of a Relationship
Letters to Tommi ultimately documents more than bereavement. It records how two people met, built a partnership, created their own language, made plans, and found meaning in everyday experiences.
Through the letters, Ryan Tate preserves memories of Tommi and the relationship they built together.
About the Author
Ryan Tate is the British author of Letters to Tommi: A Journal of Letters Written from the Heart to a Heart. The book developed from letters written following the death of his partner, Tuomas “Tommi,” and explores themes of love, memory, grief, and shared life.
